I feel I have to back track here. I met someone who is more than special to me a year ago and now we are getting married. The wedding is a whole other story so I will not venture into that at this time. Instead let’s talk about babies.
I think through my years of singledom post divorce, I had talked myself into believing motherhood wasn’t going to happen in this lifetime. Plus the talks with my GYNs in Dubai, made me pretty sure that it was a rough road to begin since I had fibroids. Plus I may or may not have an autoimmune disorder called Hashimoto’s disease and PCOS. I say may or may not, because there was never a consensus. I would have loved one so that I would have another reason to tell people to fuck off each time they mentioned my weight.
Fast forward, my hubby-to-be and I have decided to try for a new descendant of our merged gene pools. We have been trying unsuccessfully for 2 months now. The recovery from my keyhole surgery to remove more pesky fibroids took longer than expected. Side note: why the hell do doctors lie about recovery times and the pain you experience? I think if they told us, none of us would allow them to carve us up.
My new doctor was very plain and said he didn’t have much hope for me since my body wasn’t ovulating. I have had regular periods since I was 10 but he doubts I have been ovulating for years. Now if he would listen to me, perhaps he would consider that I may be suffering from PCOS but then again, it would mean he would have to listen! Not being able to Ovulate is one of the effects of PCOS as well as suffering to lose weight. Thankfully, the good Lord has sent me a man who loves the extra meat on me. So since I now reside in a different country, I decided to do things differently. For the next 2 months, I am going to treat myself for PCOS holistically. If I don’t have it, no harm no foul. But If I do, perhaps, I will make some progress in the baby business. So now I venture into the world of Maca, Vitex and Folic Acid. Not to forget, Iron and a slew of other supplements. I am saying goodbye to artificial sugars (minus a Campari or two every now and then) and those delicious evil things called bread.
Honestly, I can’t say I am hopeful but I just know I need to try. I promised hubby, I would at least try and not listen to the docs. So I will do it and hopefully the fertility gods and goddesses will bless me with bun in the oven. I may even start yoga again. Nope, I lie! I will go back to dancing. It’s a lot more fun shaking my bum bum 😀
1 thought on “Baby Business”
Thank you for your honestly. As someone who has been diagnosed with PCOS I have lied to myself since the age of 23 (when I was diagnosed) that I didn’t want to have children. I was trying to convince myself that it was something that I didn’t want because I didn’t know how I would deal with the disappointment of not being able to conceive.
Now that I am in a relationship that is moving quickly towards marriage, I am emotionally stressed that my fear will become a reality. I have struggled with how do I tell my partner. I have joked to him about the hair growth on my face, mostly because of my own insecurities. But I have not had a conversation about PCOS. I told myself no one knows if she can have children until she starts trying and I have not started trying. My desire and push to lose weight is not about health but a fear that being overweight is going to make it harder for me to conceive. But having PCOS, I jokingly say, “just smelling food causes me to gain weight!”
I also have had many doctors say yes you have PCOS or no you don’t. Because I know my body and from my research, I am sure that my first diagnosis was correct. But I have stopped taking all of the medications I wa prescribed. None of the medications solved the problem. The medications were not specifically for PCOS but experiments.